And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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