Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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