Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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