My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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