This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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