I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
