I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
