There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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