We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
