just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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