she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
