remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
