There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
