Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
