It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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