i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
