The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
