chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
