he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize