Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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