your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think my tv is drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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