someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
