I smell stomach acid.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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