I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
