I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
