my mouth tastes like poor choices
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
