I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
