I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
