she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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