I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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