I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
