I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize