Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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