Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
