Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
