I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
