Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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