I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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