so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
