my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
