never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
