Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
