also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
