Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
