Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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