4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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