i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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