I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
