totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
