these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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