i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
