The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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