Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
