everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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