my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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