i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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