im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
