im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
