How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my being single is dangerous.
bring money and cleavage
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
