I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
