I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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