For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
