I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
