My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize