Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
