my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
