Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
