The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
