I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
