I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
