I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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