would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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