You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
