Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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